Hibernation

January is one of those long months with dark, short days and long, dark nights. This Jan. is no exception. At work we're deep into the work and improving student learning. I've been reviewing the perception data and classroom observation data and I'm so encouraged. In fact, I'm ecstatic about the growth we've made over the past 3 years! It's unbelievable! My staff has worked so hard to create a positive culture of accountability, professional learning; to use data to make instructional decisions and they've been so successful.

My grad program is moving along -- this time it's quantitative research - or statistics. (Math is not my strong suit but it's pretty interesting and I actually get some of it after years of looking at IEPs and reading psych reports about IQs and student achievement.) Only 1 more class after this term, preliminary exams, and my dissertation and I'm done!!! Just a little more than a year to go. (I don't know if I can live a normal life without being in school.)

January has been a month of learning for me. I've learned about relationships, boundaries, and how to survive aging parents (who I love dearly and will do anything for) and ornery siblings. I've learned that there's a time to cut off the feelings of obligation to some and to keep my distance from some people. I'm realizing that I can love some people from a distance and not be offended when they totally misunderstand and misjudge me.

I'm slowly coming to accept that my parents may not be here forever and to cherish and be grateful for every day they are here.

I'm grateful for:

• My sister. Blood is thicker than water and our history of nearly 51 years together is a bond that I cherish and value.
• My work. I love what I do and I love the people I work with. Their dedication and energy is inspiring. For all of us it's more than job -- it's service to individual children and to our country.
• My dear, darling children. We don't have grandchildren -- yet -- but we will. They are loyal friends to each other and their spouses are delightful. Their faith inspires me and their friendship and love and support are fabulous.
• Faith that everything will eventually work out.
• The capacity to be taught and the capacity to learn.
• The ability to be happy.
• The right to vote and to say what I think and to do something about what I think.
• The opportunity for continued education.(My children will have no inheritance but I can be buried with my diploma that says, Dr. Fawcett.)
  
• Dear friends who make me laugh, trust me with their feelings, and share time with me.
• The fact that January is almost over!
  

Goals for 2009: So far, so good!

I set only 2 goals for 2009. Frankly, I don't normally set goals at the new year because it's too easy to flake out but I decided this year it would be ok. My first goal is to improve on my monthly fast. My desire is to make it more meaningful and more intentional. The ultimate desire is to improve my spiritual capacity, perspective and sensitivity. My second goal is to improve my health through improved nutrition, movement, etc. Again, ultimately to improve my strength, health, and physical capacity.

To some it will be immediately evident that these goals are closely related and that improvement in the first will facilitate and support improvement in the second.

I guess making these public by stating them here will help me be more accountable for my progress in them.

Last Sunday, my fast was more intentional and focused. I had several things on my mind as I fasted. I felt my ability to meditate and pray about these concerns helped me. During this week I have felt the increased awareness and I've been able to more closely access the personal revelation that I need. For example, a decision I needed to make came more easily and clearly to me as I prayed about what to do. Also, I found myself making better decisions about food, sleep, and exercise this week with increased awareness about my body and my spirit and what will I truly need.

The earring and tender mercies...

Today I had an experience that is really insignificant in the big picture but it started me thinking about all of the tender mercies and little (and big) blessings I have. (This is important because I think that the "natural woman" sometimes forgets to be grateful and recognize her blessings.)

Today I lost an earring (from a very expensive pair of earrings). I was concerned about the loss but for some reason I was not terribly upset --just kind of irritated that the back the earring was defective (as I had suspected) and that I was not going to be able to continue to enjoy wearing these lovely earrings. (They were a Christmas gift.) I said a silent prayer and began looking for the earring. (It is a small earring.) I retraced where I had been sitting, standing, working, walking, etc. while I had been wearing the earrings. My Mom checked her vacuum cleaner bag and we looked under sofa cushions and around the edges of cabinets and rugs. I shook out my coat and even took off my sweater to make sure it wasn't caught there.

We had gone to the store earlier in the afternoon and so we went back to the store. By this time it was dark and very rainy. We parked in the exact same place. I got out of the car, literally stood there and looked down on the ground. Immediately, a little glimmer caught my eye (I couldn't see what it was) and I reached down and picked up my earring! Honestly, I couldn't believe it. I felt like I was guided to look down at exactly the right place and pick it up. I am grateful.

In reality, earrings are not very important. Earrings have no eternal significance that I know of. I've had much more dramatic and important prayers answered fairly recently as well as in the distant past but this little incident touched my heart. It reminded me that Heavenly Father really does know me and he is blessing me every moment of my life. He knows my heart, my desires, and my hopes. He knows that I am struggling with my own character flaws and that my deep desire to be a better person is real. He knows that I feel inadequate and insignificant. He understands my weaknesses and my strengths. He knows what I need. He knew I needed this little reminder and comfort.

So here is a New Year's Countdown of some of the tender mercies I've experienced this past year:

1. I came to a deeper understanding about the Creation, the Fall and the Atonement this year.
   
2. I have gained knowledge about the significance of having a mortal body - even a sick body.
3. I was comforted and supported by my sister and my parents and my children. Abby took me to my surgery and stayed with me and took care of me following surgery. They all took turns checking on me, taking me to the doctor and to treatment, listening to me, crying with me, and praying for me. I stayed at my parents' home some of the time I was so ill and I felt loved and supported.
4. I felt the peace and comfort of the Holy Ghost when I was really, really sick from chemo.
   
5. My hairdresser lovingly helped me shave off my hair and help me pick out wigs when my hair fell out.
6. I received the blessing of having many people pray for my recovery.
   
7. I received great expressions of love and encouragement during my battle -- in so many ways - cards, gifts, phone calls, prayers, and encouraging words.
   
8. I was able to continue to work and go to my doctoral classes between treatments.
9. I had a lovely, dear visiting teacher who checked on me almost daily and brought chocolate and other treats.
   
10. My students have cheered me on as my hair as grown back and they have been concerned when I missed school.
    
11. I was able to do my calling in Primary some of the time while I was sick -- which cheered me and uplifted me.
12. I had dear, sweet relatives and ward members who filled in for me in Primary when I was too sick to be there.
13. My kitty cats were wonderful companions and guard kitties. They actually looked after me and comforted me while I was sick.
    
14. I realized how great it is to be able to work and move and think each day.
    
15. I realize how lucky I am to go to work each day and miss most of the daytime TV.
    
16. I completed more of my doctoral work and even made it to my summer classes in between chemo and radiation (and completed all of the assignments on time).
    
17. My temporal needs have been provided in very favorable ways.
    
18. I finished reading the Book of Mormon again.
    
19. I spent a wonderful week in Utah with all of my children (and their wonderful spouses) this summer.
20. I received another witness from the Holy Ghost about the significance of the birth and mission of the Savior.
    
21. I was able to partake of the sacrament often.
    
22. I was able to listen to all of the sessions of General Conference this past Oct.
    
23. I work with a wonderful staff of teachers and support staff who love the children and who work so hard.
    
24. I have wonderful, supportive bosses.
    
25. I bought a new HD TV (which John has set up with HD cable). Talk about the Wonderful World of Disney.
    
26. I am able to recall important information and remember the most important things inspite of chemo brain.
    
27. I am getting my energy back -- a little more each month.
    
28. I am able to laugh.
    
29. I received priesthood blessings when I needed them.
    
30. I was blessed with an assurance that I would be made well.
    
31. I have learned how to blog and use facebook. (The gift of time has been wonderful.)
32. I have learned more about photography and using photos.
    
33. I traveled to Washington, D.C. and totally enjoyed sightseeing! (And the company of a great friend.) This was pre-surgery and treatment. The experience carried me through some hard times.
    
34. I have made more friends in my ward. I appreciate that so much!
35. I get to serve some of the best children in the world at school and in Primary.
    
36. I visit teach some very dear ladies.
    
37. I have the opportunity to serve and support my parents right now.
    
38. My dad is still with us after several close brushes with death this year. Each day is a gift with him here.
    
39. My parents love and serve each other in an exemplary fashion as they have for the entire 54 years they've been married.
    
40. I have a wonderful daughter-in-law and son-in-law.
    
41. I have three wonderful children and they love and serve each other and they serve me.

I know I will think of more blessings and tender mercies and so I will continue this list. This is just the most obvious and basic of the blessings I've received.

What are your tender mercies and blessings?