March: In like a Lion and Out like a Lion!

The title says it all -- March came in like a lion and went out like a lion! We've had double the normal rainfall for March in Western Washington!  I'm tired of it!  I was never bothered by the rain until we lived in Southern California for 2 years!  That ruined me -- I LOVE the sun.  When we left SoCal, I had a huge adjustment coming back to the cooler, rainier weather but I adjusted.  This past month has reminded me of how hard that adjustment was. Anyway, most of the time I love living in Washington.  It's green and cool and beautiful. When the sun shines -- it's spectacular.  Mt. Rainier to the southeast and the Olympic mountains to the west.  Lake Washington, Puget Sound, and the trees make it absolutely spectacular.  But when there are too many gray, rainy (I mean really hard rain -- not the soft Oregon mist) I start to crave the sun again. I honestly am starting to check for moss growing between my toes! It was hard to find a dry day to have a fire drill at school.  (The principal has her principles about fire drills in the rain -- too hard on the hair and shoes! Priorities, you know.)

It's been a pretty good month.  I've worked too many hours each week but the work is good.  We're working on creating a school-wide system of interventions for reading and math for our struggling students.  The system is called RTI (response to instruction/intervention) and it's designed to help kids who are lagging catch up.  Very research based but it requires a significant change in practice for the teachers.  We're on track and I'm excited about this.  I know it's important and I know it will make a difference.  I have a GREAT team of teachers to work with to create this.

This past month I bought a series of tickets to the Seattle Symphony.  We went to the first concert a couple of weeks ago and I loved it.  I had forgotten how much I loved doing that. When I was first married we had tickets to the symphony and went at least once a month.  After a while with the expensive babysitters and the challenges of taking care of a young family we didn't do it very often.  My former spouse was very talented musically and it was something we shared and loved together.  When our marriage turned out to be so seriously flawed and had such serious problems I found myself not wanting to have much to do with music and those things we had shared and loved together. My husband used music to escape and to avoid and he ruined it for me.  It's taken me a long time to return to something that I've always loved so much and to embrace it again. I can't wait until next Sat. when I get to go again.

                                               Lorena and Grandma, March 27, 2011

Lorena visited last weekend. She's such a little doll! Oh my, the stuff she says and does absolutely charms me and cracks me up!! She's totally my girl.  Even though I hadn't seen her since Christmas, she ran to me with open arms when she saw me!  She says, "Uh Oh!" when she has a little accident or when she's done something she shouldn't.  I gave her a cute pair of bunny ears and she now talks about bunnies as she wears them.  She loves Easter eggs with a couple of fishy graham crackers.  She also likes peanut butter easter eggs. She's a climber and will stand up on the kitchen table if you take your eyes off of her.  She minds quite well and when she wants to do something she shouldn't she will look at you to see if you mean it and if you do -- she obeys! She has to sit on her Daddy's lap until the sacrament is over and then she is allowed to have something to do or play quietly next to her parents on the bench. She shakes her head no and shakes her finger at other babies and children when they are noisy in church. She calls the cats "gatita" and she's got a great pencil grip! At 22 months, she's doing great and I can't believe how absolutely cute and sweet she is. Her temperament is sweet and easy and she's a joy to be around. So much growth and development for a little girl who came into the world weighing 2.5 Lbs. Ok, enough about the joy of my life.

This weekend I'm loving General Conference.  The words of living prophets and apostles refresh and renew. Lots to think about! More later.

Till We Meet Again

My friend Neal Whiteford passed away on Saturday evening. Joan was with him. Joan has shared with me that they had sacred experiences during his final days. In her words, "the veil has been very thin during these last few days."  She is being supported by the Comforter. She is not alone in her mourning. We are having the opportunity to serve in small ways. We will miss Neal.  He has become a refined, righteous priesthood holder. Joan has proven herself to be a faithful, loving companion. I'm so glad I've known Neal and I will be delighted to see him again.

His passing has brought back many of the feelings I had a few months ago when my Dad passed away. 

Let it Snow? No! and a Tribute to my Faithful Friends

Ok, we don't really have a choice about the weather but I if we did I would fast forward to spring! I was just thinking last week I might put some primroses in my pots but didn't.  Probably a good thing that I didn't. Nevertheless, I'm so ready for spring to come.  Spring does come sooner here than it does in Utah. In a month it will be very spring like and there will be buds on the trees and tulips and camelias beginning to bloom! By April, we will begin to feel warm again and see even more blossoms and leaves.  Anyway, I'm looking forward to spring.

On a more serious note, my friend Neal Whiteford is about to leave this life. His dear wife Joan is sitting next to his bedside as he goes through the final phase of his mortal life.  Joan and Neal are my heros. Joan is one of the most faithful and stalwart disciples of Jesus Christ I think I've ever known. Her 10 year marriage to Neal has been an experience of faith in every possible way. I have watched the refining of Neal as he's gone through more than 5 years of serious health problems, including becoming a paraplegic and experiencing congestive heart failure. I've also watched the refining of Joan.  During these past 5 years not only has her best friend and dear husband been seriously ill, her daughter died from non-smokers lung cancer. Through it all she and Neal have faithfully served in their callings.  Neal has been a ward clerk, together they've served a church service mission to the LDS employment center, and Joan has served in her stake calling as the stake webmaster, teaching in RS, and filling in with music anytime she's needed.  She's also been a faithful, loving visiting teacher to me. Joan and Neal are loved by everyone in our ward. Every family in our ward has been touched in some way by Joan and Neal and their tireless service.

Joan has had her moments of discouragement and fear. She has wept through Neal's illnesses. She has mourned the loss of a beloved daughter. She has worried through another daughter's divorce and remarriage. I have learned from her as she has pressed forward with steadfast faith in Christ. I have watched her support and encourage Neal -- even when he was so ill and discouraged himself -- he had little to give back to her. I've watched her submit to Heavenly Father's will and accept the answers to prayer that weren't the answers she wanted. Despite receiving the answers she didn't want, she has remained faithful to her covenants and to the Gospel. She has made the choice not to be bitter and angry (even when she felt hurt and angry for a time).

Joan has changed Neal's life and he has changed hers. They have both changed mine. I will be forever grateful for dear, faithful friends who set the example of discipleship. Godspeed to you Neal as you walk into eternity and into the waiting arms of our Savior. Godspeed to you Joan as you press forward in the coming years, knowing that someday Neal will be waiting for you to walk into his arms and on into eternity by his side.

The Hearts of the Children (or We are Family)

Facebook started as a social medium for college kids.  In fact, when I first heard of it my college kids told me about it and explained that it was just for college students.  That was fine! Then, several years later I heard that Facebook was open to anyone.  I ignored it. I didn't think it was something I would ever be interested in.  Almost 3 years ago I was undergoing treatment for breast cancer.  Surgery, chemo, and radiation.  I was able to go to work when I felt good but many weeks I spent at home trying to cope with the side effects of chemo. During that time, I was feeling well enough one day to get online and explore Facebook. I joined up! I requested my kids as friends.  Abby's initial response was, "Mom must be sick, she's joined Facebook!"  For quite awhile I just used it to stay in touch with my kids who were all away from home.  I began to add other friends. Over these 2-3 years something wonderful has happened -- I've reconnected with many of my first cousins and second cousins, and other relatives.

I have many, many, many first cousins (around 40 or so). I actually know most of them. Facebook has brought many of us back together. I enjoy seeing pictures of their kids and grandkids. I love reading posts about what they're doing and thinking. When they're sick or having a hard time I enjoy offering words of encouragement. One of my cousins has battled ovarian cancer during the past couple of years -- I've been able to share with her some of the information I've learned about cancer. (Ovarian and breast cancer and prostate cancer are related and sometimes run in families like ours.) Another one of my cousins lives in Chicago and this week they're being hammered by a bad winter storm -- it's good to keep tabs and know that she and her family is safe. I've discovered that with a couple of my cousins (actually in-law cousins) and I share a lot of similar tastes in favorite TV programs and political views. It's so great to wish them happy birthday. Facebook has brought our extended family back together and helped us reconnect.

I love knowing that I belong to a very large extended family. I like feeling connected to so many really good people. I enjoy having contact with people who share a common heritage, common values (mostly), and common traits and characteristics. I have to think that Facebook is contributing to turning the hearts of the children to their fathers.

Light!

It's staying light later in the day! As I left work a little after 5 p.m. yesterday I realized it was still daylight. Woohoo! After the dark months of November, December, and January this is a wonderful gift. Recently I've been thinking about light and the sun and the Son. Some middle school students were being questioned about whether or not we need light to see. The students did not believe we need light to see. They were probed about their thinking and they believed that even total darkness with absolutely no light -- eventually their eyes would adjust to the dark and they would be able to see. One of the students was placed in a room that was darkened so there was absolutely no light from any source. She was in the room (with an adult) and even after quite a few minutes she believed that eventually she would be able to see. She was not convinced that her eyes would never adjust to a completely dark room and that she would never see in the absence of light. Yet, it is a fact that without light our eyes do not see. We rarely, if ever, experience complete darkness. Possibly in a cave, deep in the earth we could experience this. Most of the time, even in a very dark room, there are tiny fragments of light -- even the littlest bit of light allows us to see.

In relationship to the above fact, I've also been thinking about the fact that all of us are born with the Light of Christ.We are born with the light to see the truth. We are taught in the Book of Mormon that the light or Spirit of Christ is given to every person to enable them to know good from evil. We are not born in darkness, we come from a world and environment filled with the light, the Light of Christ, and we bring that with us into the world. I believe that is why new babies and small children are so sweet and delightful -- they are still touched by the warmth and light of Christ.

I've also been thinking about sunflowers. Sunflowers always follow the sun. We aren't as obedient as sunflowers. We don't always follow the Son. We are born with His light and yet, often we refuse to follow the light. I love thinking about this -- what a wonderful gift from Heavenly Father and all we have to do is nurture and nourish our soul with truth and obedience, and love. When we do this -- we can experience even greater light. When we exercise faith in Christ, unto repentance, choose to be baptized, receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and then take His name upon us through the ordinances of the temple, we receive more and more light. We become obedient like the sunflowers.

January Hibernation

January is the month I feel like going into hibernation. There are probably a couple of reasons for this: first, we're over the excitement and fun and cheer of the holidays.  Two, it's COLD and dreary and wet. Three, it's a long time until payday.  Teachers and principals get paid once a month and January's a long month! (Not mention we spent a lot in December.)  I loved living in SoCal because it felt like we skipped from Christmas to May rather than going through January, February, and March. Most of the time the gray,dreary weather doesn't bother me too much but January is long! If I could just burrow down for the month with some hot chocolate, a warm throw, and some books and a movie or two -- I would love it.  Instead, I get up on these dark, cold mornings and go to work.  The upside to January is that the days are getting longer and it's not always dark when I come home from work now and it's a litte lighter in the morning when I go to work.

In reality I LOVE my work.  I love the children, I feel like I'm serving others in a meaningful way each day. I don't always love their parents.  I do love the teachers I work with -- they are some of the best people I've ever met. I love the mental and intellectual challenge that I have as we work to solve difficult problems.  One of my strengths as a leader is the capacity to build teams, improve morale, and help others develop leadership capacity.  My goal for every teacher is that they will each know their strengths and build on those strengths. I hope each of them will view themselves as learners and realize that working in a collaborative team to problem solve is important to their personal and professional growth. The work is not easy. I don't think about how hard it is -- I simply get to work and focus.

I owe Merrill (my former spouse) a huge thank you in a funny sort of way.  If I had not had to step up and take care of myself and take on the primary responsibility for raising and supporting our children I would not have developed myself professionally.  I guess Heavenly Father really does know our capacity and he provides ways and opportunities for each of us -- according to our need.  I know we each experience the things we need to experience and Heavenly Father increases our capacity and strengthens us according to the need. (I think of the people of Alma in Mosiah 24:15 where it states that they were strengthened to bear their burdens with ease.)  I've been strengthened and my capacity to bear and my capacity to do has been enlarged. I have learned important lessons during these years.  I continue to learn and grow and I am so grateful!

One of the great gifts of my life is the opportunity to gain an education. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father showed me my talents and guided me to develop those talents. I have experienced the Holy Ghost teaching me and enlarging my capacity to learn. Early in my doctoral program I remember hitting a point where I thought, "I'm not smart enough to do this! I've hit my limit intellectually!" and then I felt the guidance of the Spirit as he taught me how to learn more deeply. All of my life I have loved the feeling of light and knowledge filling my soul as I learn. I was able to overcome the barrier in learning and persevere and succeed! (One thing getting a doctorate teaches you is how little you know -- you realize there is so much to learn and you know a miniscule amount!) I am truly among the most blessed of all people.

Happy New Year!

So, I've been thinking about little things I can do to improve and be of greater service to others. I'm focusing on small efforts in order to be sure I can actually do something towards improvement.  I want to improve how well I live the Gospel by focusing on small efforts I can make toward following the Savior and serving others.  For example:

• Work more consistently on family history. For the past 4+ years I've set aside family history work while I finished my doctorate. I want to get that going again.  I really enjoy it.  So, my sister and I have agreed to set up meeting times each month when we will get together and organize and focus our efforts on family history. To start we need to figure out where we're at so that's goal #1. 
• Increase my efforts in my visiting teaching. While I consistently do my visiting teaching -- I need to reach out more to the sisters I visit and make more effort to be a real friend to them.  They are all less active and so sometimes I don't feel comfortable reaching out to them the way I should. 
• Continue to attend the temple consistently.

 I also want to continue my personal improvement efforts to improve my health and energy. Since I've had cancer and the extensive treatments which really impacted me more than I care to admit, I've slowly regained my energy and health.  I can help this further by:

•  Continuing to attend WW meetings. I've lost 30 lbs (40 since 2009) in the past year. I need to lose more obviously -- so I will attend my meetings - following the guidelines for healthy eating. 
• Exercising more consistently. Just moving more each day by parking farther away when I go to the store; tracking my steps with the pedometer; doing my stretching and lymphedema exercises for my arm.
• Slowing my life down. I have to constantly work on doing less and focusing more on the simple things that make me happy (and sane) such as reading interesting books, organizing and enjoying my home, listening to music, writing in my blog and reflecting on the scriptures. 

Intellectually I want to continue to work on writing and reading professionally and personally by writing articles for professional publications and keeping up with my blog several times each month.

Most of these things I do already to some degree or another. It's a matter of continuing and improving just a little! I remind myself  "that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Alma 37:6

Christmas

We had a wonderful holiday. All of the kids were here and Merrill came again this year. (I began inviting Merrill to family events that past couple of years in order to decrease stress for the kids -- they don't have to choose where to go and where to be -- which becomes more and more complex since they are married.) Lorena was delightful. My dear brother-in-law finished a rocking horse for her that dad had started before he passed away.  Jim finished it for her and it was so cute and she squealed with delight when she saw it on Christmas morning. It meant a great deal to me and to Abby that Jim finished this for her. Dad would be so pleased to see her enjoy this toy.

Jim also dressed up as Santa and paid a visit a day or two before Christmas.  At first she was a little scared by she warmed up to him and we got some cute pics of her.

Not so sure about Santa

A new baby for Christmas

She has learned to pretend and it's so fun to watch her play and pretend to eat or feed you something.  She's very smart and very cute.She's such a tiny little thing that it's easy to forget she's 19 months old and quite capable of so many things. We just thoroughly enjoyed her and spoiled her. (I'm so good at this grandma thing.)

We really missed Dad and I know Mom really had a hard time without him. In one week they celebrated their anniversary, Christmas, and Dad's birthday. So, we knew it wasn't going to be easy and it hasn't been easy.  It's only been 4 months since he passed away and we're not used to him being gone yet.